Walking On Egg Shells
by toriskun
Summary: A broken Lovino attempts to graduate high school with the threat of abusive parents and one highly annoying neighbor. Spamano, AU.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hello, I'm Ray. Enjoy and review, if you have the chance. It means a lot to me if you can find the time to do so. xx

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

**Personal Disclaimer: Please do not fret over the length of chapters. I use it as an organizational tool and always try to upload multiple chapters in one sitting.**

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Lovino glanced at his alarm clock.

2:08 AM

_Lovely._

He rolled out of bed and tapped a button on his laptop, striding past his desk and heading towards the hallway. He moved through the apartment as quietly as possible, reaching the kitchen and pouring half a pot of old coffee into a mug.

He popped it in the microwave for one minute and rifled through the cupboards and refrigerator, pulling out sugar and milk.

Coffee in hand, he stumbled back to his room in the dark. Reaching his bedroom, Lovi flicked on the light and ran his hand over the touch pad on his laptop's keyboard. It sprung to life, greeting him. He stared at it, grimly.

2:12 AM

_A. Fucking. 'Mazing._

Lovi quickly chugged down the rest of his coffee, ignoring the sugary end taste that had potential to send him into a mini coma. He sat for an hour and typed at his keys gracefully, completing an essay he had planned to put off until morning. It would be summer soon, but what he was really looking forward to was attending college in the fall. He had big plans-big plans to get the fuck out of this town. And college seemed the only way to do so.

Now to email this essay and then he could pretend to sleep for a few more hours.

But Google Chrome wasn't loading.

Was something wrong? He squinted at the connection bar. A small snow flake symbol greeted him.

_Oh hell no._

_No no no no no._

Lovi quietly moved towards the living room, a sinking feeling resting in his gut. He knew what he would find before he got there...or rather, what he wouldn't find.

The wireless internet boxes and cables had been ripped from the wall. A dusty desktop sat on the desk next to the place where the wifi router should have been.

He knew it would happen eventually. Lovino's parents blamed a lot of his problems on excessive internet use. He saw this coming.

But in the last few months of his senior year? Couldn't they have waited until his entire career life didn't depend on his internet access? How the hell would he study? Or send emails to his teachers?

"What the fuck...what the fuck..." The small boy sunk to the floor, his back against the side of his parent's desk. He could feel tears forming but he was too ashamed to break down.

He sat there for what felt like an eternity, head in his hands.

Finally, he picked himself up off the ground and headed for his bedroom.

"Kids in China are starving you fucking ingrate. At least you get a goddamn education." He spoke harshly to himself, picturing all the people in the world who didn't have the advantages he had.

Closing his bedroom door softly, Lovi eyeing the empty coffee cup on his desk. After a moment of fighting himself, he decided to wait until the morning to bring it to the kitchen. He'd have to do the damn dishes before school anyway. Otherwise there would be hell to pay. He'd avoided the sink full the previous night. There was only so much his father would let him get away with.

"China, Lovi..." He muttered, falling face first into his bed, too exhausted to pull the covers over himself. "Useless fucking parents."

After an hour of sobbing, he fell into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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"It's not a big deal, shut up." Lovi was attempting to hush the school's current student librarian.

Kiku eyed him wearily.

He was always doing that.

Lovino shot him a snotty look.

"They shut off your internet access because they are worried about your study habits? Your parents continue to baffle me."

"I'll just make appearances at all the local libraries. As a matter of fact, I'll show up to the shitty one downtown so often, at such strange goddamn hours, that people will start thinking I'm giving out hand jobs behind dumpsters for some extra fucking cash!"

The small Italian boy had grown redder and redder as he spoke. He gasped for air after the rant and turned to face the opposite direction of Kiku's eyes. It was no use; he could still feel them boring into his back.

Lovi turned to face Kiku again, waiting to hear an off-handed comment about how he had no right to hush the Japanese boy when he was making so much noise.

But instead, he got a sympathetic look.

"Please don't go to the library on first street after dark. I'm surprised the old women that work there have yet to be mugged. I heard Gilbert and Francis hang down there on Saturdays."

Recognizing a joke about popular kids, Lovi grinned.

Kiku smiled back and handed him a thin piece of hard plastic.

"You can use my card at the library a mile from your complex. I know you have fines on your account. It's the only reason you'd go out of your way to walk to first street's library."

"Thanks, ass." He pocketed the card.

"Anytime Lovino. You know I'd invite you to my place if I could but, as you are aware, I have strict-"

"-parents. 'Gotcha." Lovino finished Kiku's sentence and threw the boy a small smile. He couldn't be angry at him for living in a situation similar to his. He picked up his mountain of books and headed away from the desk his friend worked at, towards the back of the school library.

If only this library was open past school hours. Sadly shit didn't work that way.

He passed by a crowd of people chatting loudly about a new kid they'd seen hanging around the park by Lovino's apartment complexes. The Italian wondered if maybe it was a new neighbor of his.

fucking great, another person he'd have to small talk with while he gardened.

Lovino grimaced and opened his history book.

This was going to be a long week.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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When something life-altering happens, a person can easily miss it, not thinking too critically on the moment until years later.

For instance, a happily married man may realize that maybe things wouldn't have worked out, if four years ago he hadn't smiled at a woman sitting near him in a coffee shop. She would not have smiled back. They would not have exchanged numbers. And they most certainly would not be married with 2.5 children and a white picket fence.

It's easy to miss moments that could turn into something huge. It's easy to not realize how life altering a situation really can become. Because of this, most people live their lives day-by-day not realizing that a split second decision can cause a chain reaction. Most people don't catch these moments.

Lovino was not most people.

And when he made eye contact with his new neighbor, something in him thought it knew that everything was about to go to utter shit.

He'd been watering the small garden in front of his apartment when a skinny, tan male stepped out of the apartment complex across from his own. He stretched and, upon realizing  
Lovi was watching him, raised a hand to wave.

His hand dropped abruptly and a sharp realization shocked his features. Lovi's eyes widened.

The Italian began to back up, tripping as he tried to get to the hose nozzle.

_Lefty loosy...righty tighty...?..fuck fuck fuck! goddammit he's walking over here..!_

He finally got the water to turn off. Not giving a shit about whether the hose was properly rolled up, he dropped it and ran inside, slamming the door behind him and locking it.

_Fuck fuck fuck_

A small voice in Lovi's head tried to reason with the boy, telling him over and over that it could have been someone else, that he was seeing things.

He looked through the peep-hole and cursed loudly.

He knew fully well who the man was. It had been years since he had last seen him, driving off in the back of his parents car, leaving Lovino to fend for himself. He would have recognized that asshole anywhere.

With his back against the front door, he whispered, "Holy shit...Antonio."

As if on Que, the Spaniard knocked on his front door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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Two knocks.

Lovino was still refusing to open the door.

His parents were both working late, no one was forcing him to play happy neighbor.

Three knocks.

Four knocks.

"God fucking dammit!" Lovi turned and threw open the door, ready to punch Antonio in the face.

He stared at the man, hard. Antonio had grown out of his awkward teen phase, that was clear. The Italian was eye level with his collar bones.

He had always been taller than Lovi; he was two years older after all.

The Spaniard's hair was longer than he remembered, messy and thick, spiking in the most obnoxious ways. He wore a light-colored band shirt (_Probably from Hot Topic_, Lovi remarked) and black plugs in his ears (_definitely from Hot Topic._)

He had a sleepy look about him.

_Like the kind of person you'd see hanging around skate parks, selling kids weed_, Lovi thought.

After a moment of awkward silence and staring, Antonio cleared his throat.

"I...I'm sorry if I disturbed you." The Spaniard put a hand behind his head, feigning innocence. "I saw you watering those tomato plants over there and decided to introduce myself! I'm Antonio Fernandez**.**"

He lifted his hand towards Lovino, expecting him to shake it.

But Lovi was momentarily shocked into silence.

Didn't he recognize him?

Lovi looked from the Spaniard's hazel eyes to his hand.

And promptly slammed the door in his face.

Fuck him. Fuck that. No. Nope.

Lovino stomped through the hall and thrust open his door, throwing himself on his bed. He closed his eyes and tried not to focus on the headache forming.

This was going to be a long goddamn life.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Enjoy this chapter and review if you can.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

"Did he really not recognize you?"

"That's what I'm trying to fucking figure out!"

Lovino crouched next to the curb, running shaky hands through his hair.

Kiku stood near him, holding car keys. He used to listen intently, always trying to think of solutions to the Italian's problems. But lately he realized that the most he could do to help Lovi was let him vent.

So that's what he did as the two high school seniors hovered in the school parking lot before class. Lovino wore an auburn zipped hoodie. He began zipping it open and closed nervously.

"I'm pretty sure he knew it was me. And you know what? The asshole looked like a fucking skater kid or some sh-"

"Hey Vargas!" Lovi raised his head in the direction of his last name. "On your knees as usual, I see!"

A chorus of laughs let out to the left of him. Of course. Lovi rolled his eyes and stood up, brushing off his jeans.

He turned to face the source of the voice, Gilbert Beilschmidt, a kid in his grade who told just about anyone that would listen how goddamn German he was.

_My parents were born there and I have dual citizen ship_, he'd brag.

And for some reason, he hated Lovi. Maybe because, during a particularly grueling classroom incident in which Gilbert ranted about how much better Germans were than Americans, Lovino had loudly told him to shove his heritage up his ass. In front of the entire class.

"I was _crouching_ you ignorant shit." Lovino's glared at the group of infamous blondes (Alfred and _Franny_ were there too. They were always with Gil.) across the small lot. Kiku eyed him wearily but Lovi turned on his heels before the Japanese teen could speak, heading towards the school doors and ignoring Gilbert's next strand of insults.

After a moment, the dark-haired teen began to follow.

He wondered if Lovi was going to be alright.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Warning: This chapter might be a little hard for some to read, take caution if you don't handle parental aggression very well.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

"Lovino come here right fucking now!"

The yell echoed throughout the small apartment and Lovi swallowed hard. His parents only called for him when he'd fucked up. Judging by the malice in his father's voice, he'd fucked up badly.

He set his Chemistry book down and stood, trying not to let the fear cloud his face as he reached the kitchen. His father stood near a row of cabinets, one section thrown open. Plastic tubs and pots littered the floor.

"Do you see this shit? Come here-no stand right fucking here. Do you see that? Huh? Answer me!" His dad barked, sending Lovi spiraling into a fit of chills.

The small teen set his jaw and spoke through gritted teeth, "Yes."

"Don't have a goddamn attitude with me, boy." Lovino's father grabbed him by the back of the neck and pushed hard. Lovi had no choice but to crouch on the floor, the weight of his father's hand too heavy to fight. He wouldn't have fought him anyway. That only led to worse punishments.

"What have I told you about the fucking pots? Speak up!"

"N-not to..." Lovi trailed off, his voice breaking. He'd done this to himself. He knew he should have organized the cabinets properly. He knew it was his responsibility. "Not...to just..."

"-Throw them in there! Not to just fucking throw shit in the cabinets. Don't you have a goddamn brain?" His father hit him upside the head, hard, hard enough to make Lovi want to cry out.

But he didn't. He shut his mouth tight.

"Fix it or so fucking help me..."

Lovino knew the threat wasn't empty. He began to reorganize the cabinet, flinching when his father shifted his weight from one foot to another.

_My fault, my fault, my fault, fucking bastard, my fault, my fault._

His father glared down at him and Lovi watched him from out of the corner of his eyes-watched and wondered if he really did deserve all the shit he got.

After he finished up the cabinet his father pointed to the sink.

"Now do the goddamn dishes."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

"Hey! Where do you always go?"

Lovi almost jumped out of his skin at the unexpected question. He'd been walking to the public library. It was nearing 7:00 pm on a Thursday and despite it being March, the sky was already growing dark. Crickets had begun to chirp and Lovi was counting each one until a familiar voice scared him half to death.

He whirled around to face Antonio, angry.

"What the flying fuck are you doing following me?!"

"Just walking, man." Antonio held up his hands in mock defeat, falling into pace with the smaller brunette.

Lovino didn't believe a damn word out of his mouth.

"Uh huh. Walking to where?"

"A friend's place. Where are you going? A girlfriend's?"

"Ha." Lovi smirked at the older man, not at all amused. Was he mocking him? "Fuck off."

He continued walking toward the library, fiddling with Kiku's card in his hoodie pocket. If he didn't hurry they would be closed before he had the chance to grab a book on the history of Ukraine.

"You usually don't leave this late. It's dangerous to walk alone at night."

Lovi wanted to turn around but he really needed that damn book. Why had he forgotten to grab it earlier?

And, to be honest, Lovino didn't particularly want to go back and spend the evening with his /happy/ family. He wasn't exactly grateful to have forgotten to grab some research material...but at least it provided him with an escape.

"Why the fuck are you watching me? That's creepy."

Antonio shrugged, looking at a cat perched on the garden wall of a house they were passing by. It was small and black, using its paws to clean itself behind fluffy ears.

"I sit outside a lot and noticed I guess. Why did you slam the door on me?"

The Italian didn't reply, instead choosing to stare straight ahead as he walked. He could feel another headache forming.

"Ah! This is my stop. Ciao, have a safe walk to your girlfriend's." Antonio winked at Lovino then turned and walked up a long driveway that ended in a small gray-blue house. Lovi watched him, wondering if he really had been going to a friend's place after all or if this was all for show.

The Spaniard knocked on the front door. It opened and his face lit up.

"Hey man!"

"Whaaats uuuup?"

None other than Gilbert Beilschmidt and his asshole best friend Francis Bonnefoy stood in the entry way, motioning for Antonio to come inside.

Lovino stood frozen in place, shock washing through his veins like ice. The door slammed shut and Lovi was slapped from his trance. He shook his head to clear it, cursing when his headache only intensified.

_Whatever._

He continued walking, quicker this time.

He had a book to get.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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"Do you think I'd get caught if I killed him and buried his ass behind the dumpsters at the downtown library?"

"I think he's too heavy for you to carry that far."

"You make a good point. This is why I keep you around."

Lovi leaned on the school library's counter as Kiku checked-in books.

"He followed me last night."

Kiku paused, the book in his hand hovering over the computer key pad in front of him, "What?"

"Like...to the fucking library. I mean not all the way. But he followed me and then turned and went to fucking-get this, Gilbert's place. The bastard!"

Kiku continued to stare in disbelief.

"And Franny was there, too. They were just having a goddamn party."

Suddenly, Lovi's best friend howled in laughter, dropping the book he'd been holding.

"I'm so fucked. Bad luck, following me every-fucking-where. I want to die."

Kiku got serious then, narrowing his eyes at the Italian.

"Don't say that."

The brunette looked away, ashamed.

"China, Lovi." He muttered to himself. "People have it far worse than you."

Kiku scanned a book about the different breeds of dogs before reaching over the counter to pat his friend on the shoulder.

"We're going to graduate. We're going to community college together. And then we're getting the hell out of here."

They made eye contact and Lovino gave a solemn nod.

If he was going to get through this, he had to keep his chin up.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I don't really know what to write in these things. Should I write personal stuff? Uhm,, my grandmother's car is rather hard to drive but at least the streets here are calm...also my Lovino cosplay is finished. Woo!~

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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_knock knock_

"No."

_knock knock knock_

"Noooo."

Where the fuck were his parents?

_Ahh that's right, a stupid fucking __barbecue_

Lovino stumbled out of bed and tiredly threw on some jeans. He didn't bother with a shirt, just headed towards the front door, throwing it open angrily.

"If you're from some church I'm going to fucking-"

"Hi, Lovino!" At the sound of Antonio's cheery voice, he immediately started closing the door. "No, no wait!"

"Fucking...what? You woke me up." The Italian rubbed at his eyes, still trying to see straight through the rays of sun.

"Its noon on a Saturday."

"Yeah well I'm a fucking 18 year old and unlike your grandpa ass we sleep the fuck in. Get off my damn porch asshole!"

"...you really did just wake up."

"Yeah what clued you in?!"

"Well you aren't wearing a shirt."

Lovino's mind snapped back to reality with enough speed to give him whiplash. All the fogginess was gone and he was suddenly very _very_ awake. His cheeks began to flush crimson and Antonio laughed.

"Ahh Lovi you always were so easy to fluster!"

Toni suddenly stopped laughing, eyes widening, shocked at his own slip up.

"Aha! You fucker!" Lovi stepped forward, pushing the man hard enough that he stumbled backwards, off of the Italian's porch. "Don't come near me."

He spun on his heel and slammed the door shut in Antonio's face, for the second time that week.

The Spaniard called, "Lovino I can explain. Hey!"

But Lovi had already locked the door.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: God I'm tired as hell. I hate being an adult. Don't be an adult. On your 18th birthday, refuse. Tell your family that you are still 17 and you'll shave the family cat if they keep telling people you're 18.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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Mrs. Vargas slammed open her son's bedroom door, an annoyed look on her face.

"No knocking from my parents, fuck no that's unheard of." Lovino grumbled under his breath.

"Antonio is here to see you, _again_." He hated how she did that, put emphasis on the word as if it was her problem and she bore all the weight of the situation.

After the most recent slamming-the-door-in-Antonio's-face incident, the Italian's luck only grew worse when Lovino's parents recognized the man who had moved in across from them as their old neighbor's son.

Antonio had lived in the apartment across from them for years when Lovino was a child. The two boys had grown up together, making pillow forts and mud castles. Eventually they grew out of those awkward phases and started reading comics, determined to be as cool as the heroes gracing the pages of the manga books Toni collected.

Despite the age gap, Antonio had been Lovi's best friend and partner in crime. He'd kept the bullies at bay by playing the big brother card and had offered shelter for the smaller boy when his parents were i_n a mood_.

He'd been Lovino's knight in shining armor.

But all of that had been smashed to pieces when the small brunette turned 14. Antonio's family decided to pack up and leave the apartment complexes behind, in search of a house. A 16 year old Antonio had hugged Lovino tightly and kissed him lightly on the mouth. So soft that Lovi swore years later that he had imagined it.

But deep down, he knew that saying it never happened would mean denial. That moment had secured all the feelings he'd been battling against since the start of puberty. As Lovi stood in the rain and watched his best friend drive away, he knew for certain that he was without a doubt gay.

And now Antonio had moved back into the complexes and pretended not to know anyone. But Lovi's parents had recognized him. Lovino couldn't make sense of why the man acted as though he had no clue who they were.

And now that he'd been found out, he had another fucking thing coming if he thought Lovi was going to grovel at his feet for their bashed friendship to repair itself.

It just wasn't happening.

"Tell him I'm busy."

She nodded and closed Lovi's door.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: I'm eating a Kid Cusine. I'm 19 years old. The fun never ends.

Ahh I got a review and it made me want to actually update ffff

As for the question you presented, dear reviewer, Feli isnt explained for a while~ Thank you so much for your kind words!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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Lovino was trying very hard not to kill the man walking next to him. Antonio had caught him on his way to the library again and insisted on walking with him. He kept talking despite Lovi's obvious disinterest in anything he was saying.

"My cousins lived at my apartment after me. Their mother-my aunt-owns the complexes so I got my 'rents old one for a discount when they moved out."

Lovi yawned, wishing his parents didn't feel the need to constantly wake him up from naps. He rubbed at his eyes and considered crashing in the library when he got there. Warm chairs, surrounded by books-

"Tired? Working hard to graduate?" The Spaniard's voice cut through Lovi's daydream, throwing him back to reality.

_That's fucking it!_

Lovino spun to face Antonio, blocking the taller man's path.

"What the fuck is it to you? Why do you walk with me at night? Why do you care if I graduate? You don't even know me, remember? I'm just your fucking neighbor."

He raised his hands to push the Spaniard but Toni caught him by the wrists. His touch was light but firm, not meant to harm.

In a low voice he whispered to the shorter boy, "Please let me explain."

His eyes looked green under the glare of the street lamps and for a moment, the Italian couldn't look away. The last time he had been so close to his face, with a look of vulnerability mirroring this one, Antonio had leaned in and-

A bitter fury began to unravel in Lovino's gut and he wrenched his hands away, turning so he didn't have to look at Antonio's crestfallen features.

"No."

He picked up pace, putting on his hood and popping white headphones in his ears. Despite the snub, Antonio kept pace with him up until they reached Gilbert's place. Without so much as a wave, he veered off the road and walked up the path to his friend's house.

Lovino pressed a small button on the ipod in his pocket, turning the music back on. He had been expecting at least a goodbye but...

Wasn't like he cared one way or the other.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Ahh this chapter was really hard for me to write, I'm not exactly sure why.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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For two weeks Lovino worked his ass off. He studied hard and took multiple tests and extra courses, determined to get out of this damn school if it killed him. And considering his current extra courses, it just might.

He had pulled his grades up, and despite the lack of internet-he'd actually earned A's on a few essays. Not to mention there was a surprising lack of Antonio in Lovi's life. Without Toni there to bother him and raise his stress levels, he'd be able to get some damn homework done. And possibly, _possibly_, a fucking nap.

But Lovino's good luck didn't last.

Tuesday morning he received a note in math. The scrawl on it was easily recognizable as his counselors. Lovi studied it quickly before throwing it away and grabbing his stuff.

"Lovino to the second office, please. We need to discuss a problem with credits."

_Shit shit shit_.

The Italian had been expecting something horrible, such as an extra math class on top of the two he was currently taking. But what Mrs. Zally told him was far, far worse.

Physical Education. Or, as Lovi called it, Literal Hell.

He'd never been one for outdoor "fun" and considering his school didn't offer the one sport he was good at (soccor) he'd never tried out for a team or taken a P.E. class.

And now he was being forced to take one for the rest of the year-or he wouldn't graduate.

Changing into the P.E. uniform was easy but as soon as he hit the gymnasium floor, In celebration of his new course, Lovino took a volleyball to the frontal lobe.

He sunk to the gym floor spitting and cursing like a cat that had been dunked into water. His first reaction was to beat the shit out of the person that had thrown the ball. But, upon realizing who it was, he attempted to calm himself.

Mathew, Alfred's twin brother, stood over the smaller brunette and waved his arms around randomly, turning red. He was the younger twin, smaller, and virtually non-existent in the shadow of his popular older brother. Most people didn't notice the boy was in their class.

Until they got a damn volleyball to the head.

"Are you okay? Oh gosh geez-I, I'm so sorry Lovino! Do you need help up? Should I get the nurse?"

"Fuck,fucking-Mathew back up I'm fine Jesus fucking Christ. I caught it with my face-goddammit-not your fault-ouch-fuck."

He stood, holding his head, and turned to Alfred's brother, throwing him a smile. "I'm fine, I'll go to the nurse myself. Thank you, go away now."

"Shit-I mean! Sorry, you-you're bleeding! Uh! Uh..!" The blonde turned towards the teacher, who was watching the situation unfold through a look of amusement.

The man spoke loudly, loud enough that the entire room heard him bellow, "Vargas, you're off for the day. Go home, kid, you look like shit."

"My fucking makeup is all ruined, right?" Lovi lashed back, angry at the chorus of laughter that followed his teachers orders. Everyone quieted at that, momentarily confused by the obvious sarcastic remark.

"Nice, Mattie." He heard Alfred whisper. The crimson in Mathew's face was now spreading to his ears.

_Not going to comment._

_Not even going to fucking comment._

Lovino stumbled back to the locker rooms, warding off Mathew's persistent presence by promising to call his mother. Both of his parents were at work and neither would have approved of him coming home early. He distinctively remembered a time that he had called his mother for a ride home and she had accused him of feigning illness-that is, until he threw up all over her car's fancy interior.

He knew calling would do no good.

After the twin headed back to class, Lovi changed into his regular clothing and washed the blood out of his hair. Slinging his backpack on, he exited the building and headed in the direction of his apartment complexes.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Send reviews if you find the time! It really helps me feel motivated to write.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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The walk home was long and tiring. The sun beat down on Lovino as if it had motive to kill him.

He took long strides and walked at as fast a pace as he could without needing to sit and catch his breath. With each step he took, he wished more and more that he had gone to the nurse's office instead. An ice pack and a water bottle couldn't have hurt.

He finally made it to his apartment's front door, noting that Antonio was on his porch, tuning a guitar. The Italian was less than impressed that the Spaniard was apparently musically talented. And frankly, he had different things to be focused on now. Like the damn injury to his face.

"Hot Topic wearing bastard..." he muttered, un-zipping his bag and reaching to pull out his house key.

But, as Lovino's luck would have it, he couldn't find the key. He rifled through his bag for what felt like five minutes, feeling Antonio's gaze on his back the entire time. Today was going fucking fantastic.

Math book, lead pencils, notebooks, ipod, eraser, another goddamn pencil.

No key.

"Oh my fucking God, you stupid bastard." Lovi turned and banged his head against the front door, further injuring himself. He gave a weak scream, holding his head in his hands. "Why didn't I just fucking call for a ride oh my God..."

Lovino's head hurt, his heart hurt, the stress of school was _fucking killing him_. He couldn't do this-he couldn't take it. He just wanted a damn glass of water and a band-aid but apparently even that was too much to ask for.

He felt like sobbing, breaking down right there. Laying on his porch and not moving ever again. He crouched low to the ground and curled in on himself, trying to stop the rush of tears before they could escape.

_Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck..._

His shoulders shook and a rush of light headed-ness hit him like a brick to the face. He wavered, leaning heavily on his front door, expecting to slide down it and into a sitting position-but suddenly Antonio was there, holding him close to his chest, rocking him, pushing his hair out of his face, wiping away tears that Lovino hadn't know he'd let slip.

"Its okay, Lovi. Its okay. I've got you. Its alright."

It would have taken effort to push Antonio away. Lovino was out of effort. And he couldn't remember why he had pushed him away in the first place. So he clung to the older man until his head stopped spinning. Until his breathing evened out. Until he could hear more than just his own heartbeat in his ears.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: I'm really giving this kid a hard time...I'm sorry Lovi!

Please review if you find the time.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

"You listen to Silversun Pickups."

Lovino reached over and quickly snatched his electronic from Antonio's grasp, placing it next to himself on the floor. Out of Antonio's reach. Clearly it was not what either of them was searching for.

After the Italian had calmed down, Antonio had dragged the boy to his apartment forcing water and snacks on him. He had a surprising amount of gold fish crackers and Lovi had no problem scarfing half of them down.

He waited for his head to clear up a bit but eventually Lovino dumped his backpack on the Spaniard's living room floor, searching for a house key in vain. An uninvited Toni began to "help" by reading all of the Italian's english notes and going through his ipod.

"Fucking nosey bastard." Lovi mumbled snatching his notebook from Antonio's hands, throwing it on the carpet and avoiding the gaze of the taller man.

"Your penmanship is wonderful, Lovi. Like a girl's-"

"Why did you pretend not to know me?"

Tension made the air thick and Antonio's expression flashed to shock and then extreme hurt, as though Lovino had struck him across the face. The Italian had the sudden urge to apologize but he snuffed it out, frustration making its home in his voice as he asked again, "Why?"

The Spaniard moved closer to the teen on the floor, his expression now one of embarrassment and shame. It mirrored the look Mathew had given Lovi after accidentally hitting him in the face with a volleyball.

"We did not have..." The man swallowed hard,choosing his words carefully. "...the best of goodbyes."

Antonio looked at Lovi, attempting to gauge his expression. After what felt like years, Lovi lifted his hands and began to steadily clap. After 5 seconds he was full on applauding Toni.

"Lovino I'm serious!"

That caught the Italian's attention. His hands dropped to his sides and he narrowed his eyes. "Don't fucking tell me that's the only goddamn reason, Antonio."

"I kissed you! You're straight and I kissed you, Lovi!"

If words could punch you, Lovino would have been knocked out. His heart stopped and he opened his mouth to speak.

Closed it.

Opened it.

Closed it.

An icy realization seemed to hit Lovino's features and the boy stood, snatching up his items and throwing them into his bag. He threw it over his shoulder and hissed at the dull ache coming from his head wound.

"Lovi. Lovi, wait!"

The Italian was already opening the front door and the Spaniard was closely following. To Antonio's surprise, he stopped walking halfway across his yard. He turned to face the other brunette, not bothering to hide that he'd started to cry again.

"Don't mock me, you stupid Hot Topic bastard!"

Before Toni could fully register the sentence spit at him, Lovino was out of sight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

A small clicking noise emulated from the libraries security checkers as Lovino stomped through them, earning a few gazes and whispers.

"Are you alright?"

He ignored the question from a preteen girl at a table he passed.

_A for effort._

Lovi darted past rows of history books until he found is usual small table at the back. It was tucked into the far corner of the library. Surrounded by dusty books about wars and encyclopedias. Rarely did anyone find themselves in what Lovi had dubbed his section. With the popularity of the internet, no one needed to check out a book on history anymore.

No one besides Lovino.

He sunk into a chair and started unzipping his bag, rifling through it for his ipod.

He found his headphones and tugged, expecting the music player to come with them but...there was nothing on the end of the wires.

_No...Fuck!_

He'd left it at Antonio's.

"goddamnit!" He hissed and kicked the table's closest leg, laying his head on his arms.

He didn't want to be here without music, without _something_ to block out his personal thoughts while he did homework.

Lovino would have remained the lone member of his pity party for a few minutes longer, but the sound of a familiar young male speaking to a hushed librarian grabbed his attention. He strained his ears to hear more but couldn't catch anything besides bits and pieces.

"...angry?"

"...the back row..."

After 30 seconds of silence, he lost interest, assuming he was hearing things.

Lovi sniffled, feeling like a child.

_Lots of kids have it worse._

His head was hurting still and he just wanted to catch a little bit of sleep before someone found him and kicked him out. He felt ashamed for the way he had acted and stupid for throwing a tantrum over an ipod. And now he was hearing shit.

Lovi attempted to clear his mind, focusing on his breathing and the smell of books and dust. He didn't want to go home, all that waited for him there was dishes and yelling.

And most of all, he didn't want to see Antonio standing on his stupid porch wearing a stupid Sleeping With Sirens t-shirt, smiling at him from a yard with less grass than his own.

But the truth was, he really did.

And he'd fantasized about it for years after Antonio's family had moved away, leaving Lovi to a bleak existence of dishes and gardening. No one there to read comics with. No one there who shared his _stupid_ music taste or understood his _stupid_ first world problems.

The sound of metal being set on wood grabbed his attention. He picked his head up to find Antonio staring down at him. At first Lovino thought he had dozed off and was dreaming but Toni spoke, ruining the illusion.

"You left this and...I was worried."

The Spaniard scooted Lovi's ipod across the table and with one last glance, made to turn around and leave-but the teenager stood and grabbed his wrist, a shadow falling across the notebooks littered on the table.

Antonio turned to look at the boy expecting a spray of colorful language.

But when Lovi spoke, it was weak-almost a whisper.

"Stay."


End file.
